It's been a year of stuff swirling around my head and I think it's time for a summer tune up with my therapist to see what I might need help processing. I've been working thru Mindy Caliguire's Soul Care book with Midday Connection and that's a start. I've also gone thru Gary Smalley's core fear worksheet since I operate so much out of fear. The what ifs.....
*of Ashley going off to Trinity
*of doctor visits
*of how is being judgmental different than truthful
*of what boundaries look like
*of how to help a friend without getting to enmeshed in everything
*of why it's hard to break thru the weight barrier I'm at now
*of how I can trust God and yet what's my part and what do I need to trust
As always, more questions than answers.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
One year later
Well I didn't make it to post on April Fool's Day - my one year anniversary with diabetes. Probably a good thing. For some reason, it's been a big date in my mind and looming over my head. It's now over and into my second year.
Time to be intentional with IE and living my life with diabetes. This year I'm going to read Mindful Eating again and then a diabetes soul book - bring it on year 2!
Time to be intentional with IE and living my life with diabetes. This year I'm going to read Mindful Eating again and then a diabetes soul book - bring it on year 2!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What's up
I keep saying this, but where did the day/month/year go? It's already mid-March and I haven't written since January.
Rosemary is leaving Stay-fit - her last day is Saturday so we had our last IE class - at least there - last night. All those messy emotions feel like a teeter totter - I'm happy for her but grieving for me. What do I do with that? Guess what, I found myself buried in a jar of chocolate covered almonds and cream puffs! Yikes, it's been a while since I've dealt with my sadness that food related. Grace, grace, grace. Wait until I'm hungry and move on.
I'm approaching my 1 year anniversary with diabetes and that's in the back of my mind as well. This is forever!
Rosemary said she dreamt of me writing a book - that will be interesting to see if that ever does come about ;) All in God's time.
Rosemary is leaving Stay-fit - her last day is Saturday so we had our last IE class - at least there - last night. All those messy emotions feel like a teeter totter - I'm happy for her but grieving for me. What do I do with that? Guess what, I found myself buried in a jar of chocolate covered almonds and cream puffs! Yikes, it's been a while since I've dealt with my sadness that food related. Grace, grace, grace. Wait until I'm hungry and move on.
I'm approaching my 1 year anniversary with diabetes and that's in the back of my mind as well. This is forever!
Rosemary said she dreamt of me writing a book - that will be interesting to see if that ever does come about ;) All in God's time.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
This year
Well I was hoping to write 1/1/11 but missed it by 4 days! Hard to believe that Kevin will soon be a teenager on Friday. That's going to be exciting - I'll have two teens in the house once again and soon to have a legal adult as well!
I picked a verse that represents a growth area that I feel God wants me to work on for the year. It's Romans 12:2
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
My intention for the year is to be more authentic and less plastic and pleasing. Learning to lean into God more and more.
I picked a verse that represents a growth area that I feel God wants me to work on for the year. It's Romans 12:2
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
My intention for the year is to be more authentic and less plastic and pleasing. Learning to lean into God more and more.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
End of the year reflections
It's hard to believe that it's almost the end of 2010 and will soon be 2011. In fact, I can't wait to write 1/1/11 - I'm easily pleased! I missed writing about Thanksgiving and Christmas and am moving on to the new year. I continue to learn about intuitive eating, living with diabetes, moving outside and enjoying it. I've found in the cold weather that walking outside with waterproof boots, a good winter coat and ski pants are a huge help. Thinking about the intentions for the new year. I'll post when I've decided.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It's November!
Somehow October is already over and it's November! There's even talk of snow sometime next week. I'm SO not ready for winter.
As I was writing a note to my nutritional therapist last week, I realized just how far I've come in my Intuitive Eating thinking and doing. Now that I go to the IE group on Wednesday nights, where most people are just starting down the path of IE - I realize that my distorted thinking has changed little by little. There was no monumental change - just small changes adding up and almost 40 pounds lost. That totally amazes me.
One of the things that I've discovered more and more is my ability to lean into God and not my own understanding. He continues to walk this path with me and I'm forever changed and thankful. He IS faithful!
As I was writing a note to my nutritional therapist last week, I realized just how far I've come in my Intuitive Eating thinking and doing. Now that I go to the IE group on Wednesday nights, where most people are just starting down the path of IE - I realize that my distorted thinking has changed little by little. There was no monumental change - just small changes adding up and almost 40 pounds lost. That totally amazes me.
One of the things that I've discovered more and more is my ability to lean into God and not my own understanding. He continues to walk this path with me and I'm forever changed and thankful. He IS faithful!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Where did this month go?
I looked to see if I posted anything in October for this blog - and I hadn't! Where did the month go?
Yesterday I went to John's work to get my flu shot - nice little benefit - and waited with Sean as he got his shot. Another woman came down to the health center to get a flu shot and didn't have an appointment so they were suggesting when she could come back. She had her little blackberry and checked to see that she had a meeting at this time, would need it later - then left. Probably 2 minute conversation tops. However the way it hit me - HARD - was difficult. It was the first time in probably 15 years or so that I realized other people are perceived more important, have a life different than the one I chose. Now I know intellectually that I have an awesome life, I'm so fortunate that I'm able to stay home, go for a picnic, hit the park, etc. I KNOW that. But yet, yesterday I was definitely feeling sad and left out and a 2nd class citizen - all my own feelings.
Last night I went to my Intuitive eating class - and there were actually three of us!! The group is growing which is wonderful. I also realized how far I've come - that each choice while not the defining moment - have brought me closer to being an intuitive eater. I've lost almost 40 pounds since the start of my journey, I'm exercising on a consistent basis (I've logged 65 miles since mid-September via my Nike GPS on the iphone.) and am at a different place than I was 6 months ago, and definitely at a different place than I was 2 years ago. And that's happened more and more by the little small choices I've made along the way - with Christ walking along side of me - renewing my mind and creating me new each day.
I didn't go to the movement part of class last night - which was hard. I don't sleep well when I get home that late and have been exercising but also missed meeting the new person and extending my personal time. Everything is a choice of balance - and as Andy Stanley says you have to choose where and what part of your life you cheat. Not easy. I refuse to cheat God anymore.
Yesterday I went to John's work to get my flu shot - nice little benefit - and waited with Sean as he got his shot. Another woman came down to the health center to get a flu shot and didn't have an appointment so they were suggesting when she could come back. She had her little blackberry and checked to see that she had a meeting at this time, would need it later - then left. Probably 2 minute conversation tops. However the way it hit me - HARD - was difficult. It was the first time in probably 15 years or so that I realized other people are perceived more important, have a life different than the one I chose. Now I know intellectually that I have an awesome life, I'm so fortunate that I'm able to stay home, go for a picnic, hit the park, etc. I KNOW that. But yet, yesterday I was definitely feeling sad and left out and a 2nd class citizen - all my own feelings.
Last night I went to my Intuitive eating class - and there were actually three of us!! The group is growing which is wonderful. I also realized how far I've come - that each choice while not the defining moment - have brought me closer to being an intuitive eater. I've lost almost 40 pounds since the start of my journey, I'm exercising on a consistent basis (I've logged 65 miles since mid-September via my Nike GPS on the iphone.) and am at a different place than I was 6 months ago, and definitely at a different place than I was 2 years ago. And that's happened more and more by the little small choices I've made along the way - with Christ walking along side of me - renewing my mind and creating me new each day.
I didn't go to the movement part of class last night - which was hard. I don't sleep well when I get home that late and have been exercising but also missed meeting the new person and extending my personal time. Everything is a choice of balance - and as Andy Stanley says you have to choose where and what part of your life you cheat. Not easy. I refuse to cheat God anymore.
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