Ugh. I had one day where I was able to capture the drop of blood on my meter and feel like there was hope! Then this morning I did a fasting one - stuck myself on the outside of my ring finger - got blood that more ran than formed a drop - and then got an error on my machine because there was insufficient blood. I was sweating by time I realized I'd have to prick myself again - and squeeze and milk and squeeze and bruise the other side of my finger. Really, for just ONE drop of blood. And then of course the high fasting reading of 134. I'm still not clear whether I'm supposed to be hitting these "targets" now or whether it's something that takes time. I saw someone's post on dlife.com that listed her fasting blood glucose numbers from start to now with her A1C's. That gave me hope because her initial ones were 154 and now they're in the 80's. No meds - though it's looking like that might be my course.
I'm trying to lean INTO God through the valleys. I'll admit it's hard though and I can see why depression dogs diabetics. I'm watching my carbs, eating healthier (who knew I'd love crunchy kale!) and exercising every day. You'd think that would translate into better health. Not really. But then again, John's been marathon running for two decades and is scheduled to check out his chest pounding with an angiogram next Thursday! I try to remind myself that I'm only in control of a small portion of this disease - God is ultimately in control and I don't believe He's in heaven wringing His hands over my wacky numbers! If nothing else, Lord let this soften my heart towards you as I crawl into my Abba daddy's lap and cry.
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