Emotional meltdowns

Today has been a "yikes" kind of morning so far! I was scheduled to do my blood sugar 2 hours after breakfast so ate, went for a walk and tested my sugar. It was 175! I about had a coronary - well maybe I did as I was pretty upset!

Now intellectually I know that the only way I can tell how foods are affecting me is by testing and tweaking, and the fact that I couldn't get enough blood and started to panic probably didn't help, and that exercise may or may not in the short term raise BG levels - but really, intellectually didn't make an ounce of difference when I saw that number this morning. Especially when I went for my very first stick at the CDE and it was 95. I was totally not prepared for how that would effect my mood, etc. even though I'd read about it.

I was nutso enough that I even voluntarily tested myself again after another hour just to make sure it had gone down and it was at 132. The nurse had said there was a learning curve at the beginning and that things like stress, my period coming, sickness, etc. would likely change things - and that sometimes I'd never know what brought on a high reading but to keep going and track the trends so that if it continues high I or the doctor could make changes.

But really, really - I was still shocked (though I didn't think I would be ;) My first thought was "but wait, I haven't cheated, I've been measuring things - what's up with that?!" So I had my first emotional meltdown after a reading - I'm sure it won't be my last. Tomorrow I do another fasting and then the next day I do another post-prandial after a different meal.

I went back and looked at my commitment to the process rather than a specific outcome (okay, now I get why we needed to actually write that down ;) that I wrote down from the "Healthy Lifestyles" book in the front of my meal planning log.

God is still in control and as I'm reminded of often, I need to change what I can and leave the rest in God's hands since all I can do is all I can do right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day - and hopefully each day will put me more at ease with actually sticking myself and testing so that won't factor in too much.

There's so much to learn that I still have no idea!